I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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