dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
