I showed him my bush... on skype.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
