remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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