:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
a search helicopter?!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
