the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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