Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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