Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
