Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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