I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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