Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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