i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
