What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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