Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
