We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
