I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
