I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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