He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
