YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
