Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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