Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
