I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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