I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
