Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
