I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
