What a fucking waste of an outfit
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
