I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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