i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
