i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
