nut hugger
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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