Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
