she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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