I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
