I want to make a zoo with you.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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