Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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