i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
