he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
