Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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