just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
