I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
