dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
