Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You can't special order awesome
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
