She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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