Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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