If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
