And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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