you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
