there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
