oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
