he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
