Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
