I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
