Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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