i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
